In the unlikely event that you should experience unnatural urges to find out more about us, this is where you can do it.
Mark
Mark is a trendy young thing living a wild and dangerous lifestyle in the hip and happening city of London. Until recently he did this from his luxury loft apartment in Brixton. These days he is more eco-friendly and, instead of travelling to super-cool gigs, he works from home and is currently wild and dangerous from the comfort of rural Essex.
The newspaper gossip columns are full of talk about Mark becoming the new Mother Theresa or Bob Monkhouse, and in some ways he already is.
When nobody is looking, he enjoys living a double life as an excecutive for a corporation in London. He is an ardent capitalist and sees profit in everything. One of his aims in life is to float himself on the Stock Exchange.
Mark's hobbies are football, TV comedy, farting, listening to the radio, farting, meeting his friends for drinks, farting, fire eating, farting, farting some more, and helping old ladies cross roads. His favorite food is fairy cakes.
Many people to have influenced Mark, helping him to become the radio god that he is today. They include Dave Lee Travis, Mother Theresa, Simon Bates, Jimmy Saville, Martin Day, Bruno Brookes, Steve Scruton, Dame Edna Everage, Chris Evans, Noel Edmonds, Christian O'Connell, and Eddie Templer Morris.
Chris
Chris is one of those irritating up-and-coming media professionals that you read about in the Guardian, supposing of course that you read the Guardian. (True to the stereotype, Chris does.) He spends his working life pushing buttons for money, especially when people point at him.
Originally from Leeds, Chris now lives in London, a situation that he considers unfortunate and against nature. He is confident that one day he will return to Yorkshire, triumphant, in an open topped car while people throw confetti, ticker tape, flat caps and whippets at him from upstairs windows. He is Gravy to Mark's Salad Cream.
A sex symbol known throughout the capital, Chris is often to be found fending off whole armies of scantily-clad, swooning girls with a large pointy stick. The groupies make his life a misery by following him on to buses in their hundreds, and delaying his journey by never having the right change for the bus fare.
Outside the drudgery of daily life, Chris does a lot of charity work, raising over £2 million for various charities most weekends. Before moving to the softy-softy south, he enjoyed white-water rafting and snorkelling in the Manchester Ship Canal, and when at home in Leeds, goes mountaineering in the treacherous uplands near York.
He claims his single main influence was watching Timmy Mallett on TV when he was little.
